We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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