"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
