I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
