My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
