don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
