My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
