i was born a porn star she said
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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