its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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