Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So squirting runs in the family.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize