My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
