do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
