remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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