Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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