My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
