JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
