I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
