I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
