those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
