if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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