apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you made out with another girl for some wings
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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