Can Purell be used as lube?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
