Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
