I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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