Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
