Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the raccoons are back...
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