You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
