Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
