I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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