It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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