dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
