U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
