She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
