I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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