it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
