Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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