I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
