beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
