...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize