I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
