Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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