she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
