Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
