She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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