dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
