the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
