Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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