If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
