then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
