4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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