i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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