How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
