It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
