Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
