i permit you to call me
well you can't waste a boner
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
