Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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