since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
