If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
