Nicole vs. Life
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
