All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we have officially lost it.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
