Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize