if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
