Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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