I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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