can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
