Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
