I have demons in me.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We just shotgunned beers for America
Be still, my beating vagina.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
