yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
