hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
