I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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