your thong is hanging out like whoa
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
