My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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