i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
okay pat passed out under dana's car
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
