Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
