There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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