Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
