The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
