it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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