Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
