yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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