she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
