I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize