I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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