You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
