Tell her she can't have a vagina
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
