When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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