my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize