4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
