Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
