as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
