How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
