I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
