i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
