I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
