no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
