Having a random hookup so left but love u
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Vodka?
Forever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
