you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
