Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize