Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
