it was like his penis was on wheels.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
