I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize