the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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