We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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