how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
