You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize