Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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